I'm not sure what's happening to me in these eight weeks. What is eight weeks anyway? Two months. Most of a quarter. It takes about a month to change an old or develop a new habit. I've yet to commit to a real life off the grid as I'm still exploring my possibilities. Fact is, I'm no entrepreneur. My energy levels are so affected by the layoff (even though I don't miss my old job), the heat, the rush to Florida and the, oh-how-to-put-it, "grief on toast" sensations of losing my mother one step at a time, that I'm not sure of anything anymore. Can I list 10 things I'm sure of?
1. A girl in the park this morning, taking surveys about the green market asked what attracted me to it. Color: I held three giant sunflowers and two tomatoes, music, scent of coffee, bread from The Bread Garden, "All the senses!"
2. Existence. We're here. We're here. Wave.
3. I would revise this notion "We're all in this together." to "We're individual boats bobbing in the same ocean. At any given moment, each one of us is absolutely alone. This can change in the second it takes to spot another boat, but we are each traveling to that far horizon in our own little skiff.
4. The taste of watermelon equals the taste of summer.
5. Surrender is winning. (thank you Cowboy Junkies)
6. Despite the key words, those jobs you don't apply for are those jobs you don't want.
7. There's an unacknowledged section at the top of my canvas where ideas for the future hover like a waxing moon.
8. Catholics are raised to be emotionally reactive. Taking on the pains of the mother is kin to taking on the pains of Christ. This, however, is a stalling tactic and circumvents real life.
9. I am motivated primarily by love.
10. Someday this will make me weep.