Thursday, August 20, 2009

Life Off the Grid - Week 18

I spend a third to a half of my time trying to crawl back onto the grid. I want a job. I want a place to curl up and settle my breathing. I miss shopping. I miss J. Jill. The new catalog is great. I want to rip up the stained carpet and put down the wood floors I've been saving up for.
I want. I want. I want.

There is something so expansive and full of the possible, however, in those days when I meet another freelancer for lunch and we sit in the midday sun blinking like moles. Of course, the life of a freelancer is rugged. Possibly too rugged for a slug like me. If I wasn't underwritten by the GA-DOL, I'd be screaming by now. Or babysitting. (And I will be babysitting really soon.)

And hosting writing classes.
And cleaning out garages.
And heading back to Florida to be the one who doesn't tell the Knuckle she's got a lot to live for. If there's anything we've ever seen eye to eye on, it's our willingness to talk about dying. So that when she says to me, as she has to sister in law and the nurse and the physical therapist that she wants to be with her husband and son (both dead), I can nod and say "I'll bet you do."

It's absolutely and entirely possible that I don't have a job so that I can have the 'freedom' to help her with this. Who knows? Not me.

Holy cow.


chickory said...

try replacing i want i want i want with creative problem solving. ive had some great success with finding oddball stuff to wear at the goodwill. i kid you not. the one over by my studio rocks. full of tahari and ann taylor loft. banana republic and yes, the occasional j jill. and on home decorating? try a craigs list barter or something. hang in there. and yeah -maybe it is a universe thump to give you the knuckle time

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...



Sending Pages Out to Dry said...

thanks, chick. Goodwill has always been good to me, too. better if you're a size 8, just like the rest of life.
and you're right about creative problem solving. I guess I just wanted to whine after a rough conversation with sis-in-law.

welcome to the crossroads, Anon. Pack a snack.